Not What We Thought
by SarMc
Summary: "This was never my intention. I hadn't jumped with the goal of death; I had jumped for the thrill, the freedom. Ironically enough I was free… now". Fate had other plans… A/U Normal pairings Rating changed to M for later chapters just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Bella jumped off the cliff in La Push. Jacob was not there to save her. Bella is drowning and going to die. Fate had other plans…

**Twilight Angst/ Romance Bella & Edward Alt ending to new moon**

PROLOGUE

New Moon 358-362

BELLA POV

"Bella" I smiled and exhaled. _Yes?_ I didn't answer out loud; for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice- the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices. "Don't do this," he pleaded _You wanted me to be human_. I reminded him. _Well watch me_,

"Please, for me?" _But you won't stay with me any other way_. "Please?" It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes- making me as wet as if this was my second jump of the day. I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.

"No Bella" He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely. I smiled and raised my arms strait out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool- feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring...and I flung myself off the cliff. I screamed as I dropped trough the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to earth. _Yes!_ The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colder than I'd feared, and yet the chill only added to the high. I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn't had one moment of terror-just pure adrenaline. Really the fall wasn't scary at all. Where was the challenge? That was when the current caught me, I'd been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that I hadn't worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf.

It felt like the waves ere fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid riptide: swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn't know which way the shore was. I couldn't' even tell which way the surface was. The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward. Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with air, but it had nothing on the waves- I couldn't eel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. J just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a rag doll. I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen. It didn't surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there. He owed m hat much, considering that I was dying. I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was. Ii was going to drown. I was drowning.

" Keep swimming!" Edward begged urgently in my head.

_Where?_ There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to

" Stop that!" he ordered " Don't you dare give up!"

The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs didn't feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water. But I listened to him. I forced my arms to continue reaching my legs to kick harder, though every second I was facing a new direction. It couldn't be doing any good what was the point?

"Fight!" he yelled "Damn it, Bella, keep fighting."

_Why?_

I didn't' wasn't to fight any more. And it wasn't the lightheadedness or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than the others I'd faced. O Oddly peaceful I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were supposed to see flashes of your life before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun anyway? I saw _him _and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had storedEdward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry naturally that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostril flared with rage.

"No! Bella, no!"

My ears were flooded with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of is voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold I was content. I'd forgotten what real happiness felt like happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable the current won at that moment. Shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom it hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. The iron bar seemed to be dragging me deeper into the dark to the oceans floor

_Goodbye, I love you, _was my last thought.

CHAPTER 1

BPOV

I was slightly aware of an uncomfortable pulling sensation in the back of my stomach before my surroundings were clear. I was in a familiar place but I wasn't sure where exactly it was. I thought back to what I last remembered and it all came flooding back. I remember the jump the feeling of complete an utter weightlessness, in both the physical sense and emotional. I remembered plunging in to the icy black depths of the La Push ocean bay. Most of all I remembered _him_. He was so clear, yet I felt no pain in his remembrance. The possibilities of where I could be dawned on me. I died. I never resurfaced, and I had drowned. This was never my intention. I hadn't jumped with the goal of death; I had jumped for the thrill, the freedom. Ironically enough I was free… now. I decided that this must be limbo; I must be there because my heaven & hell would have both had Edward. Different forms of course, just like my Edward on earth the one I loved and the one that left me.

At that moment I felt uneasy, I tensed. Someone was here with me, I wondered quickly whether or not this might be for everyone who had died the same time I had, but dismissed it quickly, for why would it look like the ocean in which I drowned. I felt it, the water I hadn't realized I was in shifted. I turned towards the pulse of water and if I hadn't been dead I would have died right then. I was looking at a woman, more beautiful than even Rosalie or Alice. She was less angular in her features. She had a young soft face but her sapphire eyes told tales of a woman much older. Billowing softly in the water around her face was her long auburn hair. It was shades lighter than _his_ but reminded me of it all the same. As I became more aware of my environment I took in the woman as a part of it, she belonged there, that much was evident. Another pulse of water caught my attention, I stared towards the source bewildered, attached to this beautiful woman was a tail. It was even more beautiful than the woman herself. The tail caught what little light there was and shone the jade scales magnificently, as her tail fanned out I became aware that it turned into the same color blue as her sapphire eyes and fanned out into wisps of fins that seemingly connected her with the ocean.

She noticed my distraction with her appendage and giggled a soft musical laugh that some how had more of a song behind it than anything she had ever heard, even from the Cullen's. I looked up to her face once more and she nodded down to my own lower body. In place of my awkward legs was a tail that rivaled my companions. Mine too picked up the light and the scales glistened. The majority of these scales were a dark navy blue, but very distinguishably blue against the water surrounding us. As my eyes progressed down, what I assumed was my tail, the scales changed into a dark chocolate brown my fin fanned out into the ocean. I looked up from my mesmerizing tail into my companion's wise eyes. She simply stated the obvious,

"We are the same, you and I"

Her voice was soft and contained the same musical base as her laugh. I wondered immediately if I would be able to respond. I tentatively opened my mouth testing as to whether or not I could still feel it. As I started to speak she moved again sending the pulsing water towards my tail. It felt so odd to feel the water shift each scale slightly so it could pass.

" What is it that we are… exactly?" I asked not entirely sure I wanted an answer.

" We are mermish," she stated simply

I had known that this would be the answer I got; I hoped she would elaborate without me asking but when was my life (or whatever) easy?

"Uhg How…I" tried again " How did we… become mermish?"

Like my previous question I already had an idea it was more of a conformation than anything else." We are the lost souls of broken hearts, when you drowned thinking of your love we felt you fade. I came for you and you were not yet dead, I could feel the pain in the ocean and I wished to give you the peace I have now." She finished. With more questions than answers I became confused. All the stories I had ever heard about mermaids were of a separate species, I suppose it had to start somewhere though. I also learned a long time ago the stories are not always fact.

" Is this a sort of limbo then?" I questioned

She shook her head and her eyes grew sad as she gazed upon me " No, this is your new existence, you are no longer human and you are immortal" Her answer was simple enough and I could not change it, I began to think that cognizance must accompany immortality, because I seemed to accept it without question. Suddenly she pulled me out of my contemplation with a question.

" Would you like to meet our sisters?"

"There are more of us?"

She nodded and a small sad smile danced across her soft face.

" I would very much like to meet them" and as a second thought I added " I think I can feel them"

She nodded " yes we are bound together by the heartbreak we have all faced it is our foundation, some have a stronger connection to the others as a way of mending the heart by filling it with others. Kind of the more broke you were the more you have now" finishing with a wistful look towards me.I laughed and thought to myself how strong my connection would be. I then realized as I thought about connections that I had one with this woman and did not know her name.

" I feel terrible, I have not asked your name…"

" It is Cecilia… and yours?"

" Isabella but I prefer Bella."

" Bella, it is then" she paused and stared at me momentarily before addressing me

" Bella, if you don't mind me asking, why were you so willing to accept that you were not dead and not alive but a mermaid? I thought I had gone mental when our sisters told me what I was."

" You are going to think I am truly a nutter when I tell you this but, when I was human, the one that broke my heart was actually a vampire. He and his family were vegetarians," I added quickly for she was shocked " We had a very strong love, or so I thought, and he was very selfless, he left me to protect me. After he left I leaned on my best friend for my light and life and he turned out to be a werewolf." I finished with "The supernatural and the dangerous always find me" Cecile floated there shocked and simply said " Well fate really must have wanted you to have immortality" I was shocked! What could she mean by that? The shock must have been plain across my face, for she qualified her statement quickly." I only mean to say that, from what I have heard, those two mythical creatures are immortal and you seem to form a connection with both and then when you cannot take it any more and you try to take your life you still end up immortal!" I must have looked like one of the fish the way my mouth was gaping.

" He would never change me, he told me I was just a distraction, he never loved me, and my friend Jake, well he would leave me too. When he imprints he wouldn't be my Jacob he would be someone else's." Cecile looked astonished at my bluntness and how easily I just brushed off the two most important relationships of my human life

" By the way I wasn't trying to kill myself…"

"What? Why would you have that much despair and pain. You were limp and not fighting! Why did you jump" I knew she would ask this and I knew I needed to answer her truthfully

" I have been feeling that pain and despair for the last few months. That actually was borderline happiness for me what I was feeling. I jumped because when I do something stupid or dangerous I hear _his_ voice. He yells at me and I can delude myself into thinking he cares. I jumped because it was both stupid and dangerous. I didn't fight because it was the closest I had felt to no pain, to him."

I finished with a great sigh. I spoke like I was and actor reciting a line or an anchor repeating news of great magnitude. Something that was supposed to be sad and heart wrenching and tear jerking but turned up just shy, still evoking a reaction from Cecile however. She extended an arm to me and when she reached for me I saw the inside her pale white arm magnified by the dark green scaled fin on the side and thought of how _he_ used to hold out his icy marble hand to me to ask permission or to establish trust. The only difference was now the hand offered condolence and empathy. Her pale white arm however reached me and I could no longer remain detached and clinical. The hole seared my chest and I sobbed. No tears escaped my eyes; there was no need for tears underwater.


	2. Chapter 2

Trying out Edward's point of view I have always wondered what he was doing/ thinking... tell me if I should stick with BPOV

Chapter 2

EDWARDS POV

I stood against one of the Amazon's many kapok trees. My arms folded across my chest eyes closed and not breathing. I could have been a forgotten statue dressed in modern clothing. There was no noise save the rustle of the leaves from the light breeze in the canopy; no animals would dare come near me. No light reached the floor of the forest where I stood. Nothing hindered my solitude.

I remembered Bella, beautiful Isabella. She was my only companion and she was only in my head.

I had tried to stay with my family for Esme's sake. I could not bear to take away her son when I had already taken her away from her daughter.

The family barely functioned when we reached Verkhoyansk, Russia. We arrived at our house on a Wednesday and none of us had spoken since Forks. Their minds were blocked and they were all staying away from me. For a while we trudged on like this. I stayed away from Jasper for fear of causing him actual physical harm through my emotions. I cared for him deeply, as I did with all my family, and it hurt me to hurt him so.

Several weeks passed by like this before the day I passed Alice on my way into the forest. Her thoughts assaulted me immediately. She first thought of the pain Jasper showed when no one else was there and then moved onto her memories of Emmett's antics in Forks and the contrast between that and his present sullen attitude. She showed Edward a very private moment between Carlisle and Esme, him holding her and soothing her dry sobs and trying to relax her hands from around her stomach, feeling the loss of a child in loosing Bella. She assaulted him next with her own memories of the torture when she would have a vision of Bella in pain or trouble and could not go to her, on his orders.

He snapped the vision of his beautiful Bella curled in the middle of her bed her small frame wracked with sobs, changed quickly into Bella's drive down the driveway of the Cullen's property. The pain etched in her face would have been enough to kill him if he hadn't been immortal.

He wished it would have

All he had been able to do was look at Alice and keep up a pace until he was standing in front of this tree in the same position he was in now. He had only eaten when something came near him: once a red howler and then he had been lucky and got a puma a few months later. His thirst for Bella out weighed his thirst for blood. He spent his time by this tree and only thought of Bella. Sometimes he would come as close as to start walking away from his tree, then the logical side of his brain would tell him she was much better off with someone who could take her out with his family and not worry if a sibling would drain her dry. His logical side would replay phoenix and her birthday party over and over again, against his animalistic side that wanted to run to Bella and change her so it would never come to their separation ever again.

The farthest I had ever gotten was to the small village east of his tree and I caught a glimpse of myself in a water trough. Eyes as black as coal, hair that resembled a small fire on the top of my head, the bags under my eyes only intensified the darkness black, I was ashen, more so than usual and I looked physically weaker, even though it was impossible for me to change.

_She deserves someone better, someone who has a soul, someone who would not hurt her as I have done, she dose not deserve to have me dumped on her… she is better off._ With that I turned around and came back to this tree, where I had been for the last 2 months unmoving.

Edward was keenly aware of everything that went on in this area, mainly because so little went on if something changed he knew it immediately. While he stood there seemingly asleep against the tree a voice drifted to him. Not a voice but a mind. He knew this one but it had been so long he could not place it. When Emmett and Jasper emerged from the forest behind the kapok Edward inhibited he remembered his family's minds and each distinct tone, he could not believe he had lost them for so long. The two minds were slightly blocked but he could taste the somber tenor.

He did not acknowledge their presence. He didn't move a muscle.

Jasper griped Emmett's shoulder for support. The onslaught of miserable pain and anguish hit him like a Mack truck for a human. Slowly they moved forward towards Edward. As they approached he saw an image of himself in Emmett's mind. His form looked as though he was an extension of the tree. He had a damp look about him, one that looked as though he could never be dried. His usually pale skin had a green tint that made Edward look even more like a marble statue.

"Ed?" Emmett tried

I did not respond I only wanted my solitude. My small amount of peace that I could obtain while I was alone. My torturous memories of my beautiful Isabella…

"Emmett, he is just getting more upset as we stand here"

I knew I liked Jasper

" Ed, we didn't come to piss you off… we have news"

I maintained my stoic posture

"… About Bella, Ed"

I stepped away form the tree and stared into his ocher eyes, eyes I used to possess. Through my nose I took in air for the first time in a few months. I could taste around me and realized how amazing it was to identify the components that made up the air surrounding my brothers and myself. I tasted the sweetness that meant Vampire. I smelt the earthy smell of wet underbrush and decaying trees, all of this was thrust into the oblivion that was my mind. I could only think of one thing, he had spoken her name. Emmett and Jasper had news of my Bella. From the joy her name brought me was quickly replaced with an agonizing slew of questions. Is Bella safe? Is she happier than when she was with me? Who could make her happy? Was she hurt?

" What is it, tell me!" I roared at my brothers.

" Ed you need to calm down, I refuse to tell you if you cannot keep yourself under control!" Emmett stared me down as he spoke as if daring me to try him.

I took a moment to reign myself back from the edge and he proceeded.

"Alice had a vision Ed, Bella…" he broke off. Dissolving into body wracking sobs. My brother who loved the spring because of irritable grizzlies was broken, and by news of a human girl, my Bella.

"What is it?" I barely spoke above the wind's whispers.

Jasper looked at me for a moment and spoke with the clinical detachment he had learned from Carlisle's doctor personality.

" Bella is gone, Edward"

I sighed, I had expected much worse, but Jasper felt my relief and looked at me incredulously.

"Edward, Bella jumped off of a cliff in La Push and plunged into the water. She never resurfaced and then Alice can not see her no matter how hard she searches."

I had not noticed that Emmett had composed himself enough to stand near me, only when I bolted did I notice him. He had a vice hold on my arm and I could not break it.

"You are not going to Italy Ed," he stated simply.

I regarded him with curiosity and with a fury unmatched by any other. _How could he know my plans?_

As if he was the mind reader he answered me,

" You need to be more aware of your surroundings when you are confessing your contingency plans, Ed."


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry these chapters are vague but these are kind building blocks to bigger and better things… walk before you run kind of.

Stephanie is an artist I am merely using her work as an inspiration.

CHAPTER 3

BPOV

We moved through the water with and ease and grace that I had never known. I could rival with Alice's lithe dancing movements down here.

It took me a while to get used to the feeling of water moving over the scales of my tail as we swam. I fleetingly wondered why I wasn't cold in the depth of the water and remembered I was now a mermaid. I giggled lightly at my own silly question. Cecile glanced over at me and I lost it. I laughed heartily, without restraint and she soon joined me. We swam freely circling over and under each other while playing a sort of tag. When we finally wore out, I was the happiest I had been since _he_ left. I felt almost whole, the hole that usually seared my chest when I was reminded of the Cullen family. I had been thinking about all of them including_ him_, I still could not say his name, a lot. The only pain I felt was a dull ache around the hole. Under that though I felt full, possibly my ache was from being too full. I unconsciously touched my chest where the hole was and instead of clutching a t-shirt like I usually would, I felt a smooth piece of material covering my chest.

Until this point my modesty had not been a question. I had not even noticed if Cecile was covered. I peeked down fearing at worst I would be half naked for all of eternity, to be pleasantly surprised by my coverage. In the same blue as the majority of my tail, I was wrapped around a few times by wispy covering that seemed to be the same material that trailed out behind my tail fin. I observed it tied into a knot in the back and it covered the majority of my chest yet was still comfortable. I relaxed and returned to the state of jovial freedom I had been enjoying with Cecile. We swam purposefully for the better part of the hour in a downward dive.

I had never noticed or thought that the La Push bay would be so deep. As we dove the colors changed, things I thought were red seemed to loose their color. Cecile's hair seemed more of a sandy brown than the auburn I had seen in the shallow waters.

We started swimming slower as we approached what would have been a caves entrance on land. We entered and I marveled at the granite caves and how clear everything was to me, without any light to see by.

Cecile swam ahead while the beauty of this underwater cavern distracted me. I emerged into a vast underwater air pocket. It could have mistaken me into thinking I had emerged in the middle a ancient lost Ocean, all I could see around me was an expanse of small waves breaking evenly on the granite rocks that jutted out of the water casually. On top of those rocks were what I knew immediately to be my sisters. Each of them as elegant as the other, yet specifically beautiful. The diversity in the shades and tints of our tails made it seem that there was a color spectrum in this magnificent underwater haven.

As I gazed at my sisters I realized that I felt the ever-present pain in my chest dull a little more. I wondered how many mermaids there were, or was this it? I wouldn't guess that there were more than twenty-five of us. I hoped that there was not more who felt inclined to take their lives because of the loss of love. I wished that there were not even this many. Cecile, her hair had reverted back to its original color here, swam over to me and she embraced me with a hug

" Welcome to your new life Bella".

Others slid down from their rocks and swam over to us. Each with a small sad smile they greeted me, some I felt connected with at once and others I felt as though I had known them for years. Judging by their reactions to me I guessed that they felt the same way for me as I did for them.

After I had met my new aquatic family my head was swimming with questions. I turned to Cecile, who had not left my vision since we broke surface,

" I have so many questions, with each discovery my brain is flooded with new queries"

She let out a small giggle in time with some of my new sisters and replied

" In time dearest Bella, we shall answer your questions" and with that she splashed me with her tail and called

" Catch me if you can! Let us see how well you are suited to this new life and your new appendage!"

We chased each other around in a childish game of tag. Eventually part of my family joined in and to see us it would have looked like flashes of color dancing across the surface. Under the surface it would have looked like an elaborately coordinated dance move with each flick of our tail.

When our game dwindled down to a stop I was able to take in the true beauty of our cavern. Lit by some unknown light, the walls shimmered with different shades of neutral earthy colors. The walls were accented by swirls of color that appeared to coincide with our pastel tail colors.

The water of our home was clear and reflected the bottom depths as if one could reach down and graze their fingers over the bottom floor.

Another mermaid noticed my attention to detail and pointed out the many different rocks and formations that rose out of the water cavern itself.

" Each of these rocks belongs to a girl, you will be able to create yours later."

I gaped at her with my mouth slightly parted, " Make my own?"

" Yes, do you see where the colors are swirled into the walls?" I nodded yes and she explained. " We are connected not only with each other, but with the Earth as well. When we take out stone we form a bond with the Earth that is strong enough that she takes on a part of us as well. Hence the swirls of color."

I was mystified by her explanation, but awed too. I am not only a part of a family; I am part of the whole Earth, an immortal, beautiful part.

" By the way my name is Nora, yours is Bella. Is it not?"

I was vaguely reminded of my first day at Forks High, except today there would be no excruciatingly beautiful vampire to distract me.

" Yes it is. Thank you Nora, for explaining the walls to me"

We were joined by a few more and I learned there names were Jinee and Catherine.

There was searing pain at the hole with the mention of Jinee; it was just to close to Renee to not remind me of who I had left behind.

I noticed a change in the atmosphere, I could feel it, the sadness I had felt for Renee and Charlie was reflected ten fold back to me.

Catherine touched my arm

" Do you feel it Bella?"

" I think so, I was remembering my parents and the sadness I had felt was reflected back at me. What was that?"

" Some of us are empaths, we felt a great amount of pain in our human lives. We can both project and absorb emotions."

I was reminded of Jasper and wondered if there were other 'gifts' like what the Cullens possessed.

"I wonder if you will have any other abilities, you seem to be very attuned to our lifestyle already." she mused

" Can you read my mind?" I whispered at Catherine

"No…Why?"

"Oh, I was just thinking that same thing and I know someone who can read minds, but never mine. I was more shocked that you were able to read my mind, than I was shocked when I thought you could read minds… if that makes any sense." I drifted off

" I have a feeling I am missing something rather important here, but I shall wait until later. I wouldn't want you to have to relay your story quite yet and I have a feeling I would need the whole story," she laughed lightheartedly

I had to agree with her, she was missing key parts of my life, such as my constant flirtation with death and danger (sometimes in the form of my werewolf best friend or overprotective vampire boyfriend, how ironic).


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry these chapters are vague but these are kind building blocks to bigger and better things… walk before you run kind of.

Stephanie is an artist I am merely using her work as an inspiration.

Edward POV

I had resigned to being carried like a dead body by my brothers. The Irony was not lost on me. I had fought with all my might at the thought of existing while my Bella did not. My two brothers had easily over powered me; I'd let myself get so weak. Never had I thought I would need my strength to end my life. This was after all my plain all along; the time was the only question. When would I follow my angel into the afterlife? If I had been damned to an eternity with my Bella just out of reach it would be better than knowing I exist while she did not. I never imagined it would be so soon. Sure she was a danger magnet, but what could be more dangerous than loving a vampire? I thought maybe she would have the long happy, _normal _life I only wished that I could giver her. In sixty, seventy, eighty years? Not a few months.

Emmett and Jasper ran me Northwest through the Amazon past the villages and strait for Russia. Emmett's thoughts told me the whole family would be there waiting. Jasper's: that everyone was in an excruciating amount of pain over the loss of Bella. We passed an anteater and Jasper took it down while Emmett shifted me so I was positioned under his arm, very similar to how one would run with an American football. Emmett lugged me over to where the anteater lay broken on the forest floor a deep slice in its neck dripping fresh blood and it pooled around its head. I could no longer think about anything but that beautiful pool of crimson blood. Emmett loosed his hold on me and I slipped out from under his arm and into a crouch into a slowly moving feral posture slinking closer to the dead animal. I drained him quickly and immediately burned for more. I had not noticed while I drank from the anteater that Jasper had left and brought back a caiman. As soon as I finished the first I sunk my teeth into the second.

I could only think of the cool liquid pouring down my throat dulling the burn, until I began to feel sated, the cold blooded animal did not sate my thirst for blood as well as warm blooded mammals but it refueled my muscles. I stood up and realized I could now chance fighting my brothers off. I could run strait to the Italy if it pleased me. Jasper must have felt this change in me; the slight peace he knew that only thinking of dying could bring me. He and Emmett grabbed me by the arms and I snapped.

I began to thrash about like a wild animal caged. I pulled against my brothers only to turn around and snap at them when I could not escape. Guttural growls and hisses came from within my chest, from where my love for Bella lay. Jasper and Emmett pinned me up against a tree and held me from the sides, just out of reach of my teeth. Both of my brothers were yelling at me through their thoughts but nothing could silence my need to die.

Jasper resorted to shifting through emotions that our family had felt the last few months, while I had been gone. Esme's face was attached with most emotional pain in Jasper's memories. Alice was calm and introverted even towards Jasper she looked distant and frail. Carlisle was somber and troubled by his decision to support me. Rosalie's emotions and actions surprised me the most; she had been so hateful to Bella yet she felt broken, and hopeless, like she was missing something. Her emotions both comforted and angered me. How could _she_ miss Bella when she had despised her so? I couldn't bear it any more. My family felt this pain because I had made them leave Bella, and then left them. I became limp against the tree. I had not noticed how long I struggled against my brothers but it was now well into the evening.

Jasper read me and I could hear his puzzled thoughts at my lack of feeling. I could not feel any more it was just too painful, I only wished to join my Bella in death and they would not let me. Emmett was trying not to think about me, I could see how much pain it caused him to see his 'little brother' in pain like this. He instead thought of how he would react if it had been Rosalie's death and not Bella's. His mind was so unfamiliar while he thought of this. His usually care free mind turned dark and depressing when he thought of a life without Rose. He planned on tearing apart whoever hurt her, only to let them heal enough to do it again. He then thought about using my own contingency plans. He would go to Volterra and attack the castle at the height of the day in broad daylight. He would ambush the guard and not stop fighting until he was just a pile of ashes.

Immediately I felt peace. The emotions that Emmett felt while thinking of joining Rosalie were too much for Jasper to keep under control. At that point I realized Emmett understood if not sympathized with my wishes. I searched Jasper's mind for the same understanding as I found in Emmett's. He was blocking his mind from me guessing what I was doing. I knew I might be able to convince Emmett that I could not and should not live in a world without Bella.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry these chapters are vague but these are kind building blocks to bigger and better things… walk before you run kind of.

Stephanie is an artist I am merely using her work as an inspiration.

Chapter 5

Bella POV

We all congregated in a circle in the middle of our ocean. I was next to Cecile and the others I had met were around in the circle. Sisters I had not met were there as well. They all looked at me with sad eyes and each pair of eyes held there own sad story. A woman slipped forward from the circle and her eyes never left mine. She approached me so slowly she made no wake in the water. When she reached me her hands extended and she seemed to be trying to convey something to me through her eyes. She pulled me forward and we stopped in the middle of the ring. The mermaid turned to me and spoke

" My name is Charlotte, as much as I hate to do so, I welcome you to our family Isabella. You will learn all of our stories in this time and we shall learn yours. Each time we gain a sister from the human world we go through this process. It is a sort of induction if you will." She smiled at me kindly and went on " We are all family here. We are your sisters. You may choose to stay with us or leave whenever you please, we do ask you keep our existence a secret. You may not go back Isabella." I flinched at her wording and Charlotte caught it. " What is it my sister?"

" De ja vue is all, and I prefer Bella"

Again she smiled at me and continued "Bella, as you may have guessed we are Mermaids. We are also immortal. The way we become who we are in this life is by taking our own on earth. We all have felt great pain because of love in our human existence and felt the need to take our own lives. It is a sad day when we are so lost we cannot exist because of pain caused by love. Whether it be the loss of, unrequited, or unbearable we all have chosen this existence as an alterative to feeling that pain."

She searched my eyes for understanding. I nodded simply and she spoke again "Because we suffered so greatly as humans we are gifted greatly as mermaids, the more pain and suffering we experienced the greater our abilities here." I had nodded letting her know I understood. "We are a part of the earth now as well, because we used mother earth's means to take our life we now have an unbreakable bond. You were found by Cecile were you not?"

"Yes Cecile found me in La Push bay, I was drowning."

" Bella before we here your story I think it is best if you here a few of ours, you have formed bonds with a few sisters already?" I must have looked bewildered "I can feel bonds because I lost my human best friend, a love as strong as any other"

" I am so sorry, Charlotte"

Sadly she smiled back at me and said, "no need to apologize my darling it was many centuries ago. Cecile will you begin?"

Cecile POV

"…_Cecile will you begin?"_

I hated this, I only wished to help Bella and I did not see how recounting my sad story could ever help her I remembered hearing all the others stories, I just felt terrible for them and wished for them to embrace our lifestyle so they could be without pain… "My husband Sean was killed immigrating 1883 to America from Ireland. He wanted to set up a life over in America before he brought me over. He was always very protective of me, sugar coating everything." I took a moment and continued

"His boat was sunk during a storm. When I heard of his death I walked out into the oceans edge and screamed for him. I wept for hours not thinking f anything but a way to join Sean. I waded out into the cold water and was taken away by the ocean to this life where my pain was bearable among my sisters." I finished with clinical detachment and I saw the pain in Bella's eyes that my story had caused. This is why I hated remembering.

Bella had grasped my hand and squeezed lightly, the small gesture meant so much to me. I knew our bond as sisters was deep, I didn't need Charlotte's power for that. Charlotte cleared her throat and asked Bella who she had met next. She thought for a minute before responding with " Nora"

Nora POV

I knew I would have to relay my story again. I knew as soon as I explained the rocks to her we were going to be close, and that meant I would have to share. If it would help her I would do it, I just hated the pitying looks I got, I hated that I gave them as well. "I was on a cruise to Australia for my honeymoon with my newlywed husband. I could not find him on the boat and he was supposed to meet me in the ballroom for a formal dance that we were attending as chairmen of the cruise line. When I went back to the room to see if he had possibly fallen ill, I opened the door to our suite and found him under a cabana girl on their bed where we had made love for the first time the night before. The girl riding my husband turned around and smiled at me and said "hold on I'm almost done you can have him back after I come" and proceeded to ride him like a horse. I ran away from the room tears threatening to spill over. When I made it to the bow of the boat they came poring down. I don't know how long I sat there my husband Jason found me there in the early morning. He sat down next to me and spoke slowly as if I were dumb. He said to me " I am not a one woman man, you cannot possibly think that having only you would satisfy me?" he then laughed at me and left me there. I joined him hours later at the breakfast table as though nothing happened. Our marriage lasted two years before I could no longer live with myself. We were on another cruise, this time to Alaska and I heard the ever-familiar noise as I approached my suite. I barged in ready to tell Jason to find a new wife and that I was done. When she walked in and when he saw me he said " She's here we can make this a threesome!" and a naked woman walked out of the bathroom and said, "I don't know if I want to share you." I snapped. I backhanded the woman so hard she fell unconscious and I spat in Jason's face and stormed out of the room. He followed me quietly and when I'd reached the bow of the boat he covered my mouth with a dress sock while he tied my hands. He took the sock out and kissed me viciously on the mouth, he then pushed me over the railing. I could have fought the current; I'd been on the Varsity swim team in school and was state champion in the long distance for 3 years. But drowning was less painful than living. Death was easy ; it was life that was hard. (Twilight Movie) Bella stared at me and I just fumed. I hated talking about him! I was surprised the water was not boiling around me. Bella surprised the heck out of me and said " I would have kneed him in the crotch first and then spit in his face" she then swam over to me and hugged me while we laughed. No one had ever actually made me feel good after I relayed that story. She was different than the rest of us.

Charlotte was trying to control her laughter as she asked Bella who she met next. Bella smiled at her and said " I spoke to Catherine first but I wouldn't have if Jinee hadn't come over"

Charlotte said "okay well then it is Jinee's story we shall hear first."


	6. Chapter 6

Two updates in one day!

Stephanie is an artist I am merely using her work as an inspiration.

Chapter 6

Jinee POV

I was so confused as to why Bella credited me for her friendship with Catherine. " Bella? How did I get you to talk to Catherine?"

Bella looked at me and simply said " Your name reminds me of my mother, Renee, and I felt my sadness reflected back at me when I remembered her. Catherine asked me if I could feel it and we started talking when I replied yes. "

She was an Empath! That explains so much, when I met her I was so sad and a few minutes ago when Nora was telling her story I was furious, even though it had never angered me before. The murmurs and quite chatter that broke out when she revealed she was an Empath was quickly stopped by Charlotte's look. " Please continue Jinee"

"Well it's not very interesting… I, uh, okay… Mt fiancé was killed in WWI. I tried for so long to deal with the loss of Briien. I started drinking more in the evening to help me sleep and one night I was so depressed I left my home with a bottle in one hand and the telegram and a pen in my pocket and headed towards the coast. I drained the wine and I turned the telegram over and wrote my suicide note, I corked the bottle and threw it out into the Atlantic. I said au revior to the French shoreline and swam out until I grew tired and then I let the sea claim me. See really it is quite boring I probably overreacted… I" Bella cut me off " You took your life and there is no sense in regretting it now you are an immortal mermaid, and a part of this sisterhood, don't dwell on the what if's, because what if we are all supposed to be where we are?"

The past 94 years I had never thought I was supposed to be here, her way of thinking was so different from anyone I had ever met.

Charlotte pulled me out of my musings " Catherine I believe Bella met you next?"

Catherine POV

Bella was so different from the rest of us. It was amazing she had brought so much peace by just being herself. I was amazed she could have felt enough pain to be an Empath, who would hurt such a kind creature? I started my story and felt like I should be writing an afterschool special on teenage drinking or launching a campaign against drinking and driving. "My high school sweetheart was a star football player and I was a shy girl who was the president of the science honor society and on the math team, we were perfect examples of opposites attract. His friends easily accepted me as a part of the group because I was with Doug. My life was something out of a teenage movie. He brought me to a party with him one evening after the team had won states. Everyone was drinking and my boyfriend Doug was no different. I didn't drink because I knew Doug would, I was always wanted to be the designated driver because it gave me an excuse. We left the party because my parents said to be home by one and I insisted on driving even though Doug protested he had only had a few, which was true he only had two but I just wanted to be safe. I got behind the wheel and adjusted his mirrors so that I could see.

Doug leaned over and kissed me sweetly; intoxicated he was even sweeter because he didn't care what his buddies said.

He whispered "Catherine?"

"Yes Doug"

" I love you, I don't say it enough. If I ever lost you… We are two halves of one whole"

This was not the first time he had said it, this time was different because I really believed he felt it. I'd always been a bit of a pessimist. He had sobered up while staring at me and leaned in a kissed me again sweetly. I started the car and pulled out of the drive. He held my hand while we drove and I was almost to his house when we turned the corner and the truck hit them. It was one of Doug's friends who didn't have a DD. The car flipped a few times and rolled into the ditch, he never let go of my hand. I guess I blacked out because I woke up a week later in a hospital bed. My father was sitting in the chair next to the bed looking like hell. I lightly squeezed his hand that was placed in her palm. When he looked up at her I knew it was worse than I ever could have thought. My first thought was Doug.

" Dad? Where is Doug?"

He broke down in front of her " Honey, you were in an accident… one of Doug's friends hit you two on your way home last Tuesday"

"When the ambulance got there Doug was gone, he died when the car rolled the second time. They said he hit his head on the dashboard because his seat belt was under his arm."

" No! He held my hand… He, he has to be okay, I felt him hold my hand as we rolled! I want to see him! DOUG!"

"Honey he is gone, his funeral is tomorrow."

I couldn't respond. After several hours I turned to my father an said simply

" I want to go." He looked so confused, "Where?"

" I want to go to his funeral, I need to say good-bye"

"Baby, you can't go. You're still healing."

" What's the matter with me? Why can I not go to my love's funeral? It is all I'm asking for out of life! I just want to say good-bye." I got quitter as I spoke. My father was looking at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen.

"Catherine, you had to have a heart transplant, a piece of the windshield went through your rib cage and pierced your pulmonary artery, You lost so much blood they thought you were going to bleed to death."

Already knowing the answer I barely whispered " Who's heart do I have, Dad?"

He just shook his head and said " you two were made for each other baby"

I just lay there on my hospital cot. I hadn't realized before that I had tubes coming from my chest and a pump presumably pumping my blood through Doug's heart. We now were one whole, but I was still missing my other half.

I spent the next few years missing him terribly, the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I couldn't let Doug die in vain. I had to be strong for him. I found that when I was alone I could almost hear two heartbeats at the same time. I was on the boardwalk one evening in January when I heard the second beat starting to fade. I knew he was telling me it was okay to die Doug knew how much pain I was in for him and he was telling me to let go. I went home and went up to my bathroom and grabbed the sleeping pills that had been prescribed to me and I took our ocean canoe out and paddled for hours until I could see nothing. I punctured my femoral artery in my leg so incase I didn't drown the sharks would get me. I never was a strong swimmer and I grabbed sleeping pills swallowed the whole bottle with salt water and jumped out of the boat into the deep ocean." I could tell that if Bella could she would be crying. I swam over to her and at the same time we wrapped our arms around each other. Both trying to comfort the other. I stared at her and realized we probably would have been fantastic friends in our human live if we ever met, she had kind eyes. I was sorely tempted to ask her why she was an Empath, who had caused her so much pain that she now could control emotions?


	7. Chapter 7

SM Owns all!  
A/N at bottom

Chapter 7

BPOV

As Catherine finished her story she never broke eye contact with me. She looked like she was trying solve the greatest mystery in the world, and the answer was behind my eyes. I felt so venerable under her stare; she was tearing down the walls I had built. We finally broke our informal staring contest when Charlotte placed a hand on my shoulder.

I turned to her and her eyes were full of the regret and sadness that tainted the clear water around us. She spoke softly to me as if I might disappear with the current if she did not

" Bella, you have heard our stories and we welcome you into our family…"

She struggled to get the next part out

" We have never done so before but we request for you to tell your story to us all. Normally it would be up to your discretion on whom you wish to tell, but as there is so much to your story we would all benefit from hearing you speak."

I was so shocked; I thought I would have to relay my story in a similar fashion as my sisters.

Charlotte mistook my silence and spoke hurriedly

" Bella, if you wish not to tell your story that is fine, or if you wish to speak only with another sister that is fine… I did not mean to upset you I was—"

I cut her off, " Charlotte. I am not upset, I thought I would have to relay my story the same way my sisters have shared theirs with me" I immediately felt relief wash through the water " you must be patient with me I am likely to fall apart at the memory of Ed…_him_." I finished lamely. I'm beginning to wonder if I can do this.

My face must have shown my internal conflict, _he _ did always say he could read me through my face and eyes, I thought bitterly. As soon as Catherine was next to me I felt a sense of peace run through me. She turned to me, with a small sad smile on her face, and she hugged me. I have never felt so much emotion behind a hug before, even from Alice.

When she released me Catherine turned to our sisters

" Bella is an Empath, her recollection will affect us all, and we will feel her pain as she remembers because she has no control over her powers."

Nora swam over to me and wrapped her arms around me and whispered, "If I have to feel my pain again I would gladly feel it for you."

The sentiment Nora expressed seemed to be how all of our sisters felt.

Cecile moved next to me her presence calmed me considerably.

I tried to start but I had no idea where to do so, I looked helplessly at Catherine, she whispered, "just start when you met him"

I took a deep breath and dove in feet first

" The first time I saw _him_ I was at lunch in my new school." I looked up when I felt confusion " Oh, I was at a new school because my mother, Renee, had just got married and I felt she would like to travel with her husband, Phil, so I went to Forks Washington to live with my dad Charlie."

The sense of loss remembering all these people was almost unbearable but I needed to get it out.

" When I was at lunch with those girls I saw _his _family sitting away from everyone, I couldn't help but stare they were all so beautiful." I laughed somberly

" The next time I saw _him_ I was in Biology class, and my seat was next to his, I had never been so confused in my entire life, he looked like he wanted to kill me. As it turned out he did want to, my blood was so appealing that even though he hadn't had human blood in 70 years he wanted to drain me." I was surprisingly calm talking about this, I could handle this. Again I felt the confusion, " _He_ and _his _family were Vampires." Shock ran through the water in such magnitude I thought I would be electrocuted. " Anyways, he decide he wasn't going to kill me and came back from Alaska, he left so he wouldn't kill me in the middle of the night, when he came back he was polite yet distant. He didn't really speak to me much. I was in the parking lot one morning before school and I was checking my tires, because Charlie had put snow chains on, and Tyler lost control of his van and it was heading strait for me. I was going to die. _H_e came out of no where and stopped the van from crushing me, with his bare hands."

" When we went to the beach _his_ name came up and the natives were really creepy about it. I asked one of my friends to tell me why they didn't like them and Jake told me that they were 'cold ones'. I knew that he was right but I decided that it didn't matter. I was in love with _him_ and I wasn't getting over it"

"I confronted _him_ said I didn't care that he was a Vampire. Needless to say I fell hard and fast for in love, I thought that _he_ was too."

I told my story with a professional detachment, I told my sisters about all of the Cullen family, about James, about the hospital, and about my birthday.

"A few days later…" I took a deep breath along with Catherine's hand

"Edward and I went for a walk, I knew something was wrong he had been so distant, he told me that I was a distraction, that he didn't love me anymore, that I was bad for him." I was sobbing by the time I finished if I had been above the ocean tears would have been flowing freely from my eyes.

My sisters all looked at me with varying signs of pity. Some looked as though they wanted to comfort me, others looked dazed and glassy eyed, most looked like they would have been crying as hard as I was.

" The thing was I knew that Edward was right. I was never good enough for him, I knew it was only a matter of time before he left me."

Catherine squeezed my hand and I looked at her "Bella, I know you will never believe me but I cannot fathom why he would leave you, everything about you is amazing. You even blame yourself for him leaving; it was his choice you did nothing to make him leave. He was heartless to have left you like that."

I couldn't think I was so mad at her, how dare she insult him he gave me so much happiness, I loved him; I just wasn't enough for him. I lashed out at her

" You have no idea what you're talking about! He is the most selfless creature to ever grace this earth. He made me happier than I ever could have been, he saved me." The end of my rant broke my voice. Catherine had pulled her hand out of mine after my exclamation.

I was pushing my new family away just like I had pushed the Cullens away.

Catherine forced my eyes to meet hers, " Bella, you sent pain through me when you got angry, your powers are even stronger than I thought." She sounded excited by I couldn't get over the feeling that they were going to leave me.

" Bella, sweetheart, we would never leave you! You are a part of this family. Can you not feel how much love surrounds you?"

I hadn't noticed it before, but I did feel the flow of love that wrapped around me like a blanket. In that moment I was just content, and that was more than I ever hoped to feel.

A/N: I'm sorry this is taking so long, I keep writing and erasing. Hope you liked it I know it was a lot of Twilight summary... sorry I think the mermaids need to understand why her pain was so great.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Edward POV

I did not fight my brothers during the rest of our journey, I could have escaped easily if that was what I wished. I felt comfort in their presence, when I was not left alone to my brooding thoughts I was able to plant the seed of doubt in my brain. Maybe it is just a cruel joke, maybe my family is just trying to get me to come home, maybe my Bella is just trying to get me to come look for her. My favorite idea was the later. I only wished that my beautiful fragile human would be waiting for me when I returned to Forks.

I hadn't realized it but I had made up my mind to return to Forks in order to prove that Bella was alive, so when Alice met us at the driveway with plane tickets and suitcases I was shocked.

" I saw that us on a plane for the states, the only reason we would go back is for Bella"

I was never so grateful for my sisters ability than at that moment.

"Ali, is she…."

"Edward, I cannot see her. I cannot see a life or a death after she blacks out in the ocean, she just fazes out like she was never there"

"Alice I need to see… see her jump, I have to know its real"

She closed her eyes and before I saw the memory I saw the pain she was in for remembering, her sweet pixie face was contorted into a mask of pain, then the vision started

~ the sky was the traditional Forks gray, the water was slowly breaking against the cliff and she stood at the highest point. The wind whipped her hair around her face and her eyes were closed and her face was peaceful. She looked so thin, even more fragile than when I left her, I feared the wind would knock her off of the cliff. She smiled fleetingly , if my eyes hadn't been trained on her I would have missed it entirely. She took a step and flung herself off of the edge. She cut into the water so cleanly, her small weight barely made a ripple in the ocean, no record that she had ever entered the sea. Bella was in the water now and the vision started fading in and out. She looked like she was fighting and I was so proud. My strong Bella. But she was tired I could see it. Peace washed over her pale features and the vision ended.~

I pulled all of my emotions to the front, in under twenty seconds I compartmentalized. I became detached, just like I was watching the vision I separated myself so I was watching my life not participating. I reverted back behind my stone walls, that Bella had broken down with ease.

" What time is our flight?"

With out missing a beat Alice replied "4:28 pm"

After our connecting flight landed in Seattle we drove to Forks in the Range Rover Esme had left behind. I felt so close to my Bella, being back here reminded me of her. The green tint reminded me of what she had once said in her sleep " It's too green". I had laughed then, hearing speak those words now would have reduced me to a state.

When we arrived at the mansion so many memories assaulted me, from the first time she had been her to the last. I had to keep my emotions in check, I needed to be stoic. I was the last to get out of the Range Rover, her sent rolled around me tantalizing me. She had been here since I had left her. I needed several deep breaths in order to keep my façade. It always amazed me how she could make me need air; when really all I needed was her.

Emmett walked out of the house and towards me, I hadn't realized that I'd been standing in the same place or that everyone had left me there. His thoughts were quite for Emmett. He stood with me for a bit, just drinking in Bella's smell with me. Eventually his thoughts drifted to some of the evenings Bella had spent here. His big-brother attitude towards Bella was shocking to me. I had not realized that he felt so strongly about her. Emmett was so somber. After what could have been minutes or hours he thought to me " I don't know if I will ever understand how much you loved her, but if Rose dies, I am following. What I'm trying to say is I won't stop you, I do want you to know that all of us love you and this is going to tare us up but the pain you are in isn't right Ed. Try to live for us Ed." He walked away and I followed a few moments later, Carlisle was in the kitchen sitting at the bar staring at nothing but thinking about all of us. I walked up to him and told him that I was going for a hunt.

I left the house and my feet followed a familiar path towards town. I ended up at Bella's door, I could see her window was shut. I heard the light breaths of Charlie and decided it was necessary. I made quick work of the front lock and made my way up the staircase. Instead of going into Bella's room I turned right at the end of the staircase. Charlie's door was open, I watched his fitful sleep and listened to his dreams. His thoughts never were clear, but the idea was there. He was dreaming of happy Bella as a child with huge band-aids covering her knees, while she pouted about not being allowed on the swings. His dream changed into a nightmare quickly, he was dreaming of Bella, but a zombie Bella a shell of the girl we both loved. She was in the same position as young Bella sitting on the front step, with band-aids but she looked dead. Charlie grunted and mumbled something about smiles and fish-fry. I turned away from the doorway and made my way to Bella's room. I opened the door to reveal an unmade bed and everything looked as though she had just stepped out for a minute. Upon closer inspection I found that her room was stuffy, she probably hadn't opened the window since I left her. Her pillows had a salty smell, and I realized she was crying herself to sleep most nights. I could imagine her frail form fighting with the sheets during the middle of the night. I knelt down and pulled up the floorboard where I had stored all of our memories. I looked at the pictures and marveled at her beauty. My memory had not done her justice. Here I could breakdown. I was away from my family I could mourn for her properly. I sobbed for my Bella, my lost love.

As morning arrived I heard Charlie's heartbeat increase slightly and I placed everything back the way it was. I closed her door and re-locked the front door my way out. I knew that I would never believe she was dead unless I cradled her lifeless cold body in my arms. I needed to know, the urge to see her one last time was unbearable, and even if her features were marred by death she would always be my Bella. I needed her even in death she was still the most important thing to me.

A/N Let me know what you thought even if you didn't like it.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Sorry it has taken me so long to update but as we all know life tends to get in the way. Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative!**_

Chapter 9

BPOV

It was so hard for me to deny that they loved me as a sister. I could _feel_ each and every emotion that swam through them. Each one danced around me wrapping me in a cocoon of emotions some familiar some new.

I realized that we were all meant to help each other; we were here for the same reason: Our human lives had been too painful, and now we were given a second chance at existence. One where we each had the opportunity to lessen the pain of our sisters. I realized that I had this second chance and I understood what I needed to do. My ability will help me help my sisters cope here with what they could not in there human lives.

At that moment I felt so connected to my aquatic family I was sure that the overflow would effect my sisters, just like Jaspers emotions tended to affect the general mood of the Cullens. Thinking of the Cullen family, I remembered how alone I had felt when Edward left me. I knew that that's why I have such a large family now. When I looked into each of their eyes I realized I was correct in my assumption. We were there for each other, for eternity.

I was happier than I had been since Edward left me, yet I couldn't let my love for him go. I couldn't bear the thought of letting go of the love that tied me to him, unrequited as it may be.

At the thought of him I felt the hole in my chest sear in agony, I knew that I had to keep this part of my power to myself. I could not inflict this pain on any of my sisters. I focused on trapping my emotions behind what I imagined as a great stonewall. Never could I let this pain escape. I was sure it would kill my sisters, when I could barely survive it.

I had not realized that believing I belonged here would ascribe me into immortality. The gentle waves churned and crashed shocking me out of my reverie. I gazed at the concentrated white sea foam and slowly swam towards it. I had no idea what was pushing me to do so but I felt compelled to reach out and caress the newly formed rock that had emerged from our calm underwater sea.

As soon as my fingers grazed the stone edge I felt like my own granite masterpiece had surfaced. I realize quite quickly that it was taking on the color of my eyes. I noticed the complex swirls and designs all etched in the same dark chocolate color as my eyes. Each swirl meant something to me I could see the outline of Charlie's crinkled eyes when he smiled. I could see the shape of Renee's face. I saw long lines that reminded me of Jake's hair and I saw the shape of Alice's spiky hair and Jasper's army like stature, I was reminded of Emmett when I saw a bear claw and Rose when there was a series of particularly beautiful swirls. Esme and Carlisle's lines formed an odd shaped heart together. I saw Edward's crooked smile, my smile. While I watched them form I realized that I truly could put my pain behind a stonewall and never let it escape. I grasped the granite with both hands and brought back every single night of tears and every single zombie like day. The granite had turned cold like Edward, and eternal reminder of what I had lost. I poured my heart in sealing it. I was never going to let that pain reach beyond my control.

My sisters watched, as I became a part of eternity, as I bonded with the earth, as I healed. When the waves returned to their gentle selves I noticed that I felt more people than there were. Before I could say anything I felt the earth tremble around me ripples ebbed away from my place in our sea. The rock started to tremble slightly and I felt compelled to place my hand on the smooth granite. Just as my fingers grazed the smooth surface a jolt of electricity swam through me. It made my senses stand on end. I could see so much more clearly, revealing the many shades and swirls of my stone, everything felt unfamiliar as though I was feeling things for the first time. The emotions I was receiving previously had intensified ten-fold; each of my sisters had a separate _emotional voice_ now. I felt those other emotional voices that did not belong to my family but were familiar all the same. The sense of déjà vue was overwhelming and I could not help wondering when I had met these _extra_ voices. I was pulled out of my thoughts when my tail grazed the icy granite. My stone was colder and seemingly harder than before and I now had an eternal reminder of what I had left behind and who had left me behind.

_**Sorry it has taken me so long to update but as we all know life tends to get in the way. Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Sorry it has taken me so long to update but as we all know life tends to get in the way. Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative! Twilight is not mine.**_

I suggest listening to John Mayer or The Weepies while reading this chapter. Hope everyone enjoys it, there should be another update by Sunday at the latest. Any suggestions or things you would like to see happen?

Chapter 10

EPOV

I walked slowly on the ever-familiar path to our meadow. There was no need for my speed now. I could never rush this, just like I could never rush _her_. I took in every detail, the smell of the moss, which grew on the trees and rivaled even Carlisle's age. The life of the forest as I made my way to the meadow, the soft flutter of wings, the distant bubbling of a creek. I forever inscribed these soft noises of our woods into my memories. I could never experience comfortable silence in the presence of another again. I made my way through the brush that so easily would have tripped my forever-fragile Bella. The edge of our meadow grew closer with it came the distinct scent of Bella, my long dead heart clutched and for the sweetest of seconds I was able to envision that she would be standing in the middle beckoning for me to come closer- always inviting death in. It was tainted, however, by the smell of wet dog and the sickly sweet smell of vampire.

I freaked, there was no other description for what happened to me at that moment. Never before had I cursed the speed of my vampire mind. In a millisecond I had imagined thousands of slow painful deaths for my Bella. She could have been mauled by a pack of those dogs across the treaty line or she could have gotten caught in between a fight between a passing vampire and the dogs. She had a constant propensity to walk into danger without even realizing she was doing so. What I feared most yet selfishly hoped for was that a vampire had bitten my sweet Bella and the dogs distracted him before he could finish her. I hoped that I could spend the rest of my eternal life with the one I love, and spend all of eternal hell with her as well. I was quickly abashed at my own thoughts. How could I be so selfish, she deserved death rather than an eternity of soulless existence. As I berated myself I still couldn't stop the onslaught of torturous deaths for her, each worse than it's predecessor. I walked around the meadow following the scent of Bella and cringed as it mingled with vampire and werewolf. I followed her scent and found she must have left this place alive, in fear but alive, a trail veered out of our meadow and into the forest and yet her scent remained. She had left. She was safe, from everyone but herself. I could never imagine my Bella taking her life. Alice's vision showed me though I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. It showed me a Bella beyond my imagination, one that could take life for granted and had no grasp at how hard we had been fighting fate to keep her alive. I left to keep her safe, to keep away her biggest threat. I was suddenly racked with anger and guilt; these emotions were so familiar, yet they were completely different. This time the guilt was the same… but the anger is what shocked me. I was angry with _her_ I had never been angry with Bella before. The pain I had carried so vehemently upon my long dead heart intensified as my anger grew.

As quickly as it had come my anger with Bella subsided and I was filled with self-hatred. I had just condemned the angel who accepted the monster within, and loved me unconditionally. There was no way Bella would ever commit suicide. My angle was entirely too selfless to do such a thing, she would have thought of Charlie and her mother first, my Bella always thought of others first. I knew at that moment there was no way in heaven, hell or on earth she would have jumped to her death on purpose. Alice had been wrong before, why not now? I may be fueling my own self-denial and insanity but I would rather live in my head where my pre-conceived version of Bella fits than to live in this world where Bella no longer exists. I feel like she is near me but, I'm just not close enough. She is not dead and I will not rest until I find her.

_**Sorry it has taken me so long to update but as we all know life tends to get in the way. Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative!**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative! Twilight is not mine.**_

_I suggest listening to _**_Schuyler Fisk's – You're Deadly _**_AND _**_Tegan and Sara's – Feel it in my bones _**_while reading this chapter. Any suggestions or things you would like to see happen?_

Chapter 11

**Alice POV**

We were in the family room all of us except for Edward. He had been gone for quite some time now and I couldn't see anything about him or where he was. It was as if he never existed, I

saw no future for him nor a death, I couldn't see a future where he existed, the only proof of his existence was in our memories now. Edward had not been apart from us since we heard of

Bella's death and a few hours seemed now as though it had been months. Even when he had left the first time I was able to see him, even when he was at his worst he was never alone.

This time was different I became fearful of what I could not see: the unknown. Jasper felt my fear and tried to sooth me without bringing too much attention to my fretting yet he knew

something horrible was wrong. The family just thought I was mourning the loss of my best friend. They had no idea that I we all soon would be mourning for more than Bella alone. Visions

would have been one thing, I am used to a constant flicker of death or possibilities of things I never could imagine, but not having any flicker of a shadow of Edward's future scares me

beyond belief. There was only one other time in which I could no longer see someone, and now she is dead. She is dead. Bella is gone, and Edward may be soon.

**Bella POV**

It may have been hours or days after my birth into immortality, however I knew not the concept of time. No longer could I be confined to the restraints of humanity, I knew now how

eternity could feel. Essentially I had created my own headstone, the fragile parts of my humanity had been encased in my monument to the past. I unlike a certain coven had perfect

recollection of my past. I would remember everything for eternity, I would just never _feel _it. How could I have fathomed that by locking it all away I was encasing my feelings towards those

memories as well. The more I thought about it the more I understood why I would no longer feel for those figments of my past; what good would an eternity in this underwater sanctuary

away from the pain of the world if I could still remember, with perfect clarity each day I felt pain. As I floated in the current I recalled all of what had happened.

_ After the stone monument emerged from the water a few of my sisters came forward and embraced me. The love I felt pouring off of them was almost too much for me to handle. Each _

_one of them loved me like a sister, yet I couldn't love them back, one day they would leave. No matter what Charlotte, Nora or Cecilie tried implored me to believe I felt that even an eternal _

_sisterhood, bound together by the fractures in our hearts would someday break. I knew this, because even as an immortal I was still boring and plain, I could never hold their interest nor _

_deserve their love. It always starts out with fierce loyalty and promises of friendship, family or love; then I end up alone, on the forest floor_ _or alone standing out in front of what I once _

_considered a second home, or alone on a cliff. Beginnings never matter because I always end up alone in the end. _

_I could no longer stand it, each and every one of them was feeling as though we were a family; they never knew betrayal like mine. Each had been betrayed by a lover, none had been _

_betrayed by surrogate family and the best friend they had ever had as well. My pain though locked away threatened to break the floodgates, which were so delicately constructed. _

_I had no idea but in thinking about my loss I gained knowledge more powerful than any power I could have been granted with, the love I had been gifted with was more than my sisters had _

_ever experienced. I had lost the most, because I was given the most. These broken hearts and fragmented souls needed each other not me._

It was with these thoughts that I partedfrom the mermaids, I needed space to think without fear of hurting one of them if I let go. I knew that there would never be anything more for me

than what I had with… the Cullens. I swam back through the entrance and into what I assumed was still the bay. The currents seemed to wrap around me as though they were reading my

loneliness. It figures my demise is my only companion now. As I explored my new life as a creature of the sea I found I felt at peace here, the torment of my life above sea level dissipated

and the decisions that faced me under the water column wafted away like the sea breeze had lifted my worries off of my shoulders. The sea was unable to calm my mind for long though, my

thoughts soon drifted back to those I'd just left. These mermish immortals wished for unconditional love from a single person and they were granted that wish in ten fold with each other. I

only wanted to love someone unconditionally and feel as though I was deserving enough to love them or receive their love in turn. I knew now that this wish would never be mine because I

no longer could love as I once had. No matter what _he_ did to me, where _he_ left me, what _he _told me, no matter what fears_ he_ confirmed I had loved him like no love before and no love after;

I still love _him._

The mermaids were reluctant to let me go and not without good reason. They had told me that some mermaids choose to never return and after a few years the line that connected us

to one another would be broken. I suppose they could feel my intentions because that is exactly what I intended to do. I was done relying on others for my happiness, if I continued with that

I would end up as the most depressed immortal to ever haunt the sea. I needed to be my own before I could be someone else's. As soon as I had my underwater epiphany I sensed the

presence of another, the current had brought the feelings of someone so familiar yet different somehow and far off in the distance.

_**Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative! Twilight is not mine.**_

_**I apologize for this update taking so long! Reasons beyond my control would not permit me to write this past summer. **_

I love Blue Foundation Eyes on Fire for this chapter ( Yes it is from the original Twilight movie)

EPOV

I climbed to Bella's cliff with speed and agility I had never before accessed. It felt as though time was the very essence of my being instead of the irrelevance time had come to possess in

these past few months. As I sped through forest, dodging every tree branch and root with agility my prey could not even match, I could only imagine what this treacherous path had been like for

my Bella. Each root a possible death sentences each soft patch of ground a likely chance of an injured limb. My fragile being was susceptible to so many environmental factors, yet I was the one

that had caused her the most pain and brought her willingly thrusting herself into death's welcoming arms. No, I could not believe that she was dead. In my heart I knew I needed to be where

Bella had been before ;I needed to stand where she stood and see what she seen. I needed to see where she had slipped or what invisible foe had emerged to throw her off the cliff. I needed to

understand her and what I had done to her. I needed this. _We_ were going to need this. As I approached the cliff I needlessly took in a breath, this breath was the sweetest I had taken since the

day I left Forks. In a lung full of oxygen I tasted an entire moment. I was able to taste the adrenaline that must have raced through her veins. I was able to taste the sweet smell of her slight

perspiration probably caused by her trek u here and most of all I was able to smell_ Bella. _It was pure unlike the sample I had collected in our meadow. Her essence was untainted but growing

faint. I had wasted so much time fighting against my family, wallowing and selfishly trying to plan my own demise. I could've been tracking her, helping her, what if she wasn't quite dead and my

wasted time cost Bella her life. There are so many what if's, at this point in time the only what if that I am concerned with is " What if I find her" however there is the plaguing thought that

when I find her it will no longer be my Bella. It could be just her corpse floating aimlessly in the ocean or caught on the kelp, which spreads across the sea floor like the carpet in my home which

her blood had spilled. I need to believe that she is indeed alive somewhere maybe she swam into one of the many underwater caves or she had washed up on shore somewhere and is lost in the

woods. How would I, how could I even begin to explain my actions to my selfless mate? What phrase could possibly justify my actions. Do I simply need to say that what you love the most you

can leave behind or that I left her to protect her? What justification of my actions can I give to her and erase all of the insecurities which I had instilled in her the day I left Forks, the day I left

her alone in the woods with nothing to comfort her but self doubt and deprecation.

I knew I needed to relive her jump. As much pain as it caused me it would've caused her even more. I had always said to her that my emotions were so much stronger than hers and she

could never understand the amount of anguish I felt in leaving her or seeing her in pain. This was true for the most part, yet my pain could never rot me from the inside out as hers did. I had

tried so hard during Alice's vision not to notice how thin she had gotten or how her eyes seemed to sink into her face and held no spark of life, or how the relief washed over her face when she

had finally jumped and it was most likely because she was finally feeling something.

I watched it in my head how she arched her back and brought her hands up as though she was going to perform some sort of swan dive into the churning ocean. She took that step and her

trepidation caused her to leap feet first off of the cliff. I followed her as she crashed into the water and in my mind I was so angry she seemed to be giving up on her life, something I cherished

more than anything. I needed to see her fight against the current and to push her way to the surface, to be the Bella I knew, loved and left. At that precise moment she did fight, I saw her arms

pull at the water with what muscle she had and I saw her legs kick up towards the surface. I knew though it would never be enough to save her life. I encouraged her to fight and never stop,

even as I knew the outcome. She started to fade from my vision and her face became relaxed as she drifted down her mouth in a slight smile and she vanished. I was once again standing on the

cliff the churn of the ocean making me aware of my surroundings once again.

**HERE IS A BIT OF A TRAILER FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER BECAUSE I TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE THIS ONE:**

BPOV

I swam back up through the caves taking particular notice of how comfortable I was with the water. I had always been a decent swimmer, hot days in phoenix required I learn to swim, however

this feeling was similar to how I felt before the Cullens had left me. I realized that I felt at home here in my solitude. I had no idea the reason for my comfort was not because of my solitude but

because of my surroundings.

_**Hope you find it worth the wait and I would love to hear from anyone who reads this, positive or negative!**_


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Sorry this story has been put on the back burner for sometime now. I already have the next chapter working so hopefully I didn't scare away all my readers with my disappearance. As always please R/R even if is to yell at me for taking so long ;)

EPOV  
I took the plunge off the cliff and fell into the water, there was no need for the aesthetically pleasing pencil dive my Bella had done. There was no need for anything but simple practicality and speed. The only thing concerning me at the moment was finding her, whether it is her body or my beauty I needed to see it for myself her fate. The water was deep, dark and seemed to be waiting to claim lives with its sharp rocks, tattered weeds and currents no human could withstand. The ache I felt grew more and more present with each stroke I took. I had no map or plan I was determined to find her though. Whether I found her body or some semblance of it I needed to feel the cold skin in my palm as I brought her body back to lay eternally in the sarcophagus of green that is Forks. My mind played different scenarios over and over, her body bitten by sharks, bruised from bashing against the rocks, swollen from the drowning and degrading in a way I could never know. Underneath it all I wished for the impossible, maybe she had swam into an under water cavern for the first time I allowed myself to hope she was alive and to believe she was strong enough to save herself from these treacherous waters. Even as I thought the words I fought the current and I knew there could be no way Bella would've made it to the caverns I was now approaching. No, I would not allow myself to believe I could find a breathing Bella, I could only hope she was whole.

BPOV

I swam back up through the caves taking particular notice of how comfortable I was with the water. I had always been a decent swimmer, hot days in phoenix required I learn to swim, however this feeling was similar to how I felt before the Cullens had left me. I realized that I felt at home here in my solitude. I had no idea the reason for my comfort was not because of my solitude but because of my surroundings. I swam up through the colorless caverns and I allowed my thoughts to wander, I figured I was now far enough away from my sisters to cause them any harm and the fish here had no cognitive response to my emotions, however odd they may be. I drifted in the current that once I fought against so hard, odd that it now seemed to be an extension of myself. I hoped it wouldn't be too long before I could be truly alone, maybe I could swim south and warm my soul with the sun I hadn't seen in so long.

The closer to the mouth of the cave I got the more I felt alive; I hadn't felt like this since before my birthday. I felt… whole. I decided it was my heart either shutting off or mending after I made choice I to leave the ancient underwater sea. There was an eternal monument to the love and life I had left behind there, now I needed to allow my soul to float in the current and live for the time I was gifted here. I would always be haunted by my human life how could I expect this chapter to be any different, I did hope though that with the eternal stone monument there would be some respite to seeing the visions so frequently.

A/N: Sorry this story has been put on the back burner for sometime now. I already have the next chapter working so hopefully I didn't scare away all my readers with my disappearance. As always please R/R even if is to yell at me for taking so long ;)


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